domingo, 19 de maio de 2013


This afternoon I lost my keys and it made me realize that there are many more things i've been losing recently, but besides the fact of that being a little sad, sometimes, it has been really good in the end, cause we are supposed to loose a lot of things in order to find many others. 

But let's start from the beginning. First things first. 

This afternoon I went running, and as always I felt like I was in heaven. It's difficult for me to explain what I feel when I'm running or practicing any other physical activity, but it's like if I finally find a reason to be alive. It's good, that's all I can say. Well, I left my house and went all by myself: shoes, cellphone working as a music player and my keys. After about an hour of running, my legs started failing and I knew I had finished the session. 

After it, I headed downtown to get some cash at the ATM and I thought to myself that I needed food. Then I went to a supermarket and finally was ready to go home after buying a lot of food and orange juice. 

On the way home, however, when I was probably in the exactly middle of the way, I realized I didn't have my keys anymore... Then I thought what I always think when this kind of thing happens:

"Should I go crazy or take a deep breath and let it go?" As always, I chose the second option.

I went back downtown, sat on a bench in the main square and stayed there for a long time. Thinking about nothing in particular. I imagined how life would be if all I had were those things I had at the time: my running shoes, my cellphone with almost no battery and my bank card. As weird as it may sound, I felt really fine. I knew there were many problems I would have to face and that breaking and then fixing all the locks would be a pain in the a**, but I didn't really care. 

And the thing here is, it's not like I had never been to that place or never sat on that bench, no, I go there almost every day. The difference is that this time I was free. I had no books, no bags, no documents and no worries with me. I was there and there was no other thing to do at the time but to be there.

Then I thought about my life and things I carry everyday like if they were sacred. We all carry to much weight. We do things, say things, act in ways and end becoming things we never meant to do, be, become or say. Why is that?

I think we are too linked to things we think that are important, but sometimes this "importance" only exists because we lie to ourselves saying that it does. 

I know it's hard to get alway from things we are used to do, think or say, but sometimes it is necessary.

It's easier to hold a certain idea and never let it go, cause the fear of having to start it all again is much bigger than us. But in this process, we end up becoming like stone, we never move and change significantly. 

I know it hurts, I know it's not easy and above it all I know that it is not guaranteed that a certain path is better than any other one, but I'd rather take it and have to return than keep wondering what would have happened if... (in the future I'll write a text about the word if).

And then, after this long trip through the nonsense of my feelings, I realized I knew where my keys had been this whole time. 

I headed straight to the bank and I knew they would be there. And there they were. My keys, over one of the ATMs.

My friend, if you just stop, realize that nothing is forever and that a few things are meant to be lost, you will find ll the things you need coming to you naturally, cause your heart is really the only way to follow.

If you have to stop in the middle of the way and start it all over again, sit, think and reflect about your next step, do it. because no one other than yourself is able to solve this challenge called life. Never be afraid to loose anything.

And then I finish this sunday full of metaphors and analogies.  


domingo, 14 de abril de 2013

Katy Perry, CELLPHONES and friends.

Am I the only one who has ever hated all the cellphones and wanted them all to disappear of the world forever?

Well, I do.

People are used to saying that pop music has no importance and brings no knowledge and wisdom to the ones who listen to it. I would usually agree with this statement, but sometimes the facts prove the common sense to be wrong and this rule is no exception. 

Last week I was listening to Katy Perry singing "Part of me" and one sentence in the song caught my attention: "I just wanna throw my phone away, find out who is really there for me". 

This sentence made me think: what would happen if I just decided I would not use my cellphone anymore? Would I be alone in the world? Would any of my friends still care about talking to me?

If we were on a saturday night and someone wanted to go out, who would come to my door, by car, by moto, by bike or even on foot to invite me to go somewhere and talk. Would anyone do that? I really want to believe people would.

Maybe they wouldn't, maybe they would, I can't really say.

What I can say is that I would. 

If I had a friend and I knew he was alone and had no possible way to be contacted, I would go to his door and I would call him, even if I had to walk all the city to get there. You wanna know why? Because I hate my cellphone and I wish it were dead, and I believe people are made to live real life.

Maybe I'm getting old and complicated, maybe I'm not from this generation anymore and I can't really follow all the changes, but "THIS IS THE PART OF ME THAT THEY ARE NEVER GONNA EVER TAKE AWAY FROM ME". This is what Katy sings and what I feel.

It may not help other people, and maybe not even the singer has really meant what she sang, but I get the message and I feel it.

And so I stay here, hating even more my cellphone and loving my decision of using it the least as possible. 

Hey cellphone, I hate you, why? Because I love my friends.


Nonsense of the month

Once someone told me I had no friends.

At the time, I laughed.

Then I stopped.

Later, I cried.

I don't really know if things are supposed to be always like this, but unfortunately we all tend to find out that our feelings and emotions are never understood and comprehended in the way we expect them to be.

It's like the girl who loves the boy and doesn't get back from him what she wants to. Not because she is not good enough or because he is too bad, but simply because they don't see things the same way. Maybe they are not meant to be together, at least not for now.

It's like the boy who thinks he doesn't want to get involved with anyone, but then, when he has pushed everyone alway, he realizes how lonely and sorry he feels, but then it's just too late. It's not that he is a fool, he just wants to find himself somewhere else, but maybe he is doing it the wrong way. But who could tell him that? Cause he has no friends at all, does he?

Going back to my friend, I realized I can't expect anything other than hope.

Sometimes life goes in a different direction from what we expect. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you try to do the best, but any choice you make can't really help? You still are gonna hurt people you don't want to.

Sometimes I wake up and I want to talk to someone, I feel like I'm completely alone, lost and left behind. The problem is, I am the one who left myself behind. It's one of those moments when you want to call someone but at the same time you don't wanna disturb your friends (do you have any?) and you don't dare to dial a number.

And then you hate yourself, and then you hate your cellphone because it can't help and that's what it's supposed to do. And then you feel at the bottom of the bottom of the bottom. But you are by yourself. As always, you keep going, on and on. Always alone, feeling the pain inside and smiling outside.

Sometimes I just want someone I can count on and just talk about the nonsense of my cellphone being my worst enemy, and then I come here, and I write.

I guess that when we don't know who we want to be, we become no one. And that's still better than being someone we aren't, isn't it?

Niestzche used to say we have to become ourselves. At first I would think he was saying something easy to do and that I had already got there, but now I see. It's not easy and not even possible, maybe, because in order to find yourself you always seem to get more and more lost.

Well, talking again about that friend of mine, I guess he was wrong. I have a few friends, starting with him. When someone talks to me, I listen, and when I talk to someone, I mean what I say.

If I am to have nothing else in my life, I will still have at least the truth.

And here am I, maybe no one can listen to me and my cellphone can't once more save me from this need to talk to someone, but I don't mind, cause I believe there must be someone out there.

And right now I just wanna write about "caipirinhas" and cellphones.

sábado, 4 de agosto de 2012

A TALE OF AN OLD FRIEND - Who do you live for?

“Everyday before go to sleep she felt restless. She was always too tired of being tired all the time. She always had tears in her eyes for having nothing to cry for... Is there such place as home? Who can guide me there? She always wanted to feel more, say more and understand more, but everyone seemed not to feel or understand her... Her message was clear, just love, but this was too much for people to get. Why coudn’t all this be easier? She just wanted to love someone without losing herself in vague feelings. Maybe she was broken, maybe she was wrong, but that was all she had and all she knew from life. When it starts raining, the tears just fall down to earth, and I feel like crying and falling in to pieces. She had just one wish, but it was too far from reality, and she was not real, and just because she wasn’t real, she could exist and keep going on. She was the only part of us which really exists, that part we deny and push aside, but we know it is there. She was hope.”


It’s easy get what you want, but not what you need.

Sometimes we feel like everyday is an incomplete day. Sometimes you try to wake up from a dream and you realize you’re awake. Sometimes you just want a hug, but you are all alone.

Is it so wrong to stand up and make yourself clear? Is it a crime to speak out loud and be someone in the middle of the crowd? What if you think you were born to be special but the world seems not to see it...

This is a prayer for all the ones who try their hard but can’t sleep. For all the ones who keep a smile in their faces even when they feel everything is totally lost. For all the ones who ever felt like everyone needs an explanation but just don’t feel like giving it, because in fact there really isn’t one.

Tonight I embrace it and once more I hug the shadows of this empty room. I just wanted to have a star to shine here next to me, but in this universe, there is nothing but stardust.

quarta-feira, 25 de janeiro de 2012


DREAMS... Everybody has them. Some good, some bad. Some you wish you could forget. Sometimes you realize you've outgrown them. Sometimes you feel like they're finally coming true. And some of us, just have nightmares. But no matter what you dream, when morning comes, reality intrudes... and the dream begins to sleep away... XOXO.

What’s the secret of life?

Well, let me think for a while and I’ll give you an answer.... Uhm, I think it’ll take me more than some decades... Maybe in next life I’ll tell you. Hold still.

But while I find this out, let me talk about something that maybe I don’t really understand, but at least I can try to figure out: Dreams.

Well, we all have dreams and we always try to make them come true.

Some time ago, someone told me that dreaming too much is keep fooling yourself. I confess that when I heard it, I felt an urgent need to cry. How can I live without dreaming? Sometimes I think the best part of reality is the one that does not exist. What would be the light without the darkness?
I guess I can see the true colors in this case. Everything is just a question of perception. If you look at the mirror without interest, it will only show you defeat. You create your world, so be careful to not to do it wrong.

In our world, matter exists, but without imagination, the colors couldn’t make a Monalisa, the stone could never become David, and cells maybe wouldn’t be a human body.

History is made of dreams. When men couldn’t fly over the skies, someone believed that anything should exist across the ocean. Why was that possible? Weren’t they afraid of nothing? Of course they were, as we still are and we will always be, but it didn’t stop them, and it shouldn’t be able to stop us.

Perjaps, reality would be just too dry to be lived without dreams. Let’s go further: if the dreams didn’t exist, maybe life wouldn’t, either.

Watch your dreams, set your goals, move forward and never think it’s gonna be easy, but certainly worthy.

We need this force that pulls us ahead. If you feel the flame extinguishing, it’s because it’s time to renew things.

Think again, life isn’t yours for no reason

domingo, 31 de julho de 2011


Alinhar à direita

And then, she stood in front of Harry, held her wand up and protected him... I felt a true and urgent need to cry, but I didn’t, because it was only the beginning. (scene from HP7-P2 and my reaction to it).


Do not pity the dead Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.

.....Dumbledore's quote......

Everything looked just normal. A crowded place, busy people walking around, minding their business. An alley in London. Nothing really different from another street in any big city in the world. In the end of it, there was a wall. Just a common wall. No one would never stop to pay attention to it. And this is how the story goes until the end, right? No, it’s not right. There’s much more than this. There’s magic behind this wall.

They were just red old bricks, however, if you knew exactly where to touch them with your wand (assuming you have one), they would magically change and open to you. Through this path, you would be able to go into a world you never thought that could exist.


Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.

.....Dumbledore's quote.....

It was a rainy morning, I was feeling a little sleepy, since it was early (around 7 a.m., if I’m not wrong). I can’t remember all the details, like for example why we were going to watch a movie, what date we were in, but I think we were close to Christmas and that’s why one of the teachers took a movie to the school. Everybody sat on the ground and found a place where they could see the TV. I was ready and expecting for another silly movie (at school teachers don't use to play really good movies), but then, when the movie started, I couldn’t stop watching it until the end. If someone had asked me, I wouldn't know what to say about it. And when it was over, I just wanted to start watching it again. This was the first time I watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone, and I couldn’t wait to read the book.


Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?

.....Dumbledore's quote.....

That small boy grew up. He learnt that in life, sometimes, the most important thing we have are our friends, who are a real and valuable family. He found out that differences can be used to jugde people and that this is wrong. He saw how unfair justice can be and how the world is not a bed of roses for everyone. He grew up stronger. It was in the middle of a storm of new experiences and problems that he faced death for the first time. He watched his loved ones die and he grew up feeling the lack of his parent’s love. He lost almost everything... But he kept the faith in friendship and he never ceased to believe. He believed in his friends, in his feelings, in the magic. He learnt how to keep going. His name is Harry Potter.


Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.

.....Dumbledore's quote.....

Some people say it’s a fool story. They use to say it’s too far from reality, but that’s because they can’t see how reality really is. We are surrounded by all kinds of magic.

I don’t believe that there is a single person who have never experienced how powerful friendship can be. Who has never felt the size of the happiness of having a friend on your side, of not being alone. And is it possible to find anyone who has never made mistakes and then tried to repair the damages? I don’t think so. This is Harry Potter; a representation of the growth process. For the ones who don’t believe in magic, maybe this is the time to stop a little and think in everything we are. Is it possible to live in a world with no mysteries? Is it possible to live without feelings?

The fact is: it’s not a question of seeing how impossible things are, but of thinking “what if they could be possible?”

I am from the generation who grew up reading and watching HP series, and I can say that it was really part of my life. During all those years, I’ve always felt the magic that echoes from that story. And now, this month, when I watched the movie and realized that it was the end, it was impossible avoid thinking about my own childhood. There are so many memories attached to this whole series.

Despite all the other things I could say about the book series, movies, games and any other stuff included, what I’m feeling now is joy. I feel happy for being in the group of people who saw everything from the beginning, who waited long years until the books come on sale, and gathered together to discuss and try to guess what was coming next. I’m happy for being one of the children who has always waited to receive a letter from Hogwarts and see an owl arriving at the front door. I'm happy because I believe, and I will always do.


Thanks J.K. Rowling for all those years of magic. The real and most beautiful spell still remains in mine and in all your fan’s hearts.