domingo, 19 de maio de 2013


This afternoon I lost my keys and it made me realize that there are many more things i've been losing recently, but besides the fact of that being a little sad, sometimes, it has been really good in the end, cause we are supposed to loose a lot of things in order to find many others. 

But let's start from the beginning. First things first. 

This afternoon I went running, and as always I felt like I was in heaven. It's difficult for me to explain what I feel when I'm running or practicing any other physical activity, but it's like if I finally find a reason to be alive. It's good, that's all I can say. Well, I left my house and went all by myself: shoes, cellphone working as a music player and my keys. After about an hour of running, my legs started failing and I knew I had finished the session. 

After it, I headed downtown to get some cash at the ATM and I thought to myself that I needed food. Then I went to a supermarket and finally was ready to go home after buying a lot of food and orange juice. 

On the way home, however, when I was probably in the exactly middle of the way, I realized I didn't have my keys anymore... Then I thought what I always think when this kind of thing happens:

"Should I go crazy or take a deep breath and let it go?" As always, I chose the second option.

I went back downtown, sat on a bench in the main square and stayed there for a long time. Thinking about nothing in particular. I imagined how life would be if all I had were those things I had at the time: my running shoes, my cellphone with almost no battery and my bank card. As weird as it may sound, I felt really fine. I knew there were many problems I would have to face and that breaking and then fixing all the locks would be a pain in the a**, but I didn't really care. 

And the thing here is, it's not like I had never been to that place or never sat on that bench, no, I go there almost every day. The difference is that this time I was free. I had no books, no bags, no documents and no worries with me. I was there and there was no other thing to do at the time but to be there.

Then I thought about my life and things I carry everyday like if they were sacred. We all carry to much weight. We do things, say things, act in ways and end becoming things we never meant to do, be, become or say. Why is that?

I think we are too linked to things we think that are important, but sometimes this "importance" only exists because we lie to ourselves saying that it does. 

I know it's hard to get alway from things we are used to do, think or say, but sometimes it is necessary.

It's easier to hold a certain idea and never let it go, cause the fear of having to start it all again is much bigger than us. But in this process, we end up becoming like stone, we never move and change significantly. 

I know it hurts, I know it's not easy and above it all I know that it is not guaranteed that a certain path is better than any other one, but I'd rather take it and have to return than keep wondering what would have happened if... (in the future I'll write a text about the word if).

And then, after this long trip through the nonsense of my feelings, I realized I knew where my keys had been this whole time. 

I headed straight to the bank and I knew they would be there. And there they were. My keys, over one of the ATMs.

My friend, if you just stop, realize that nothing is forever and that a few things are meant to be lost, you will find ll the things you need coming to you naturally, cause your heart is really the only way to follow.

If you have to stop in the middle of the way and start it all over again, sit, think and reflect about your next step, do it. because no one other than yourself is able to solve this challenge called life. Never be afraid to loose anything.

And then I finish this sunday full of metaphors and analogies.  


domingo, 14 de abril de 2013

Katy Perry, CELLPHONES and friends.

Am I the only one who has ever hated all the cellphones and wanted them all to disappear of the world forever?

Well, I do.

People are used to saying that pop music has no importance and brings no knowledge and wisdom to the ones who listen to it. I would usually agree with this statement, but sometimes the facts prove the common sense to be wrong and this rule is no exception. 

Last week I was listening to Katy Perry singing "Part of me" and one sentence in the song caught my attention: "I just wanna throw my phone away, find out who is really there for me". 

This sentence made me think: what would happen if I just decided I would not use my cellphone anymore? Would I be alone in the world? Would any of my friends still care about talking to me?

If we were on a saturday night and someone wanted to go out, who would come to my door, by car, by moto, by bike or even on foot to invite me to go somewhere and talk. Would anyone do that? I really want to believe people would.

Maybe they wouldn't, maybe they would, I can't really say.

What I can say is that I would. 

If I had a friend and I knew he was alone and had no possible way to be contacted, I would go to his door and I would call him, even if I had to walk all the city to get there. You wanna know why? Because I hate my cellphone and I wish it were dead, and I believe people are made to live real life.

Maybe I'm getting old and complicated, maybe I'm not from this generation anymore and I can't really follow all the changes, but "THIS IS THE PART OF ME THAT THEY ARE NEVER GONNA EVER TAKE AWAY FROM ME". This is what Katy sings and what I feel.

It may not help other people, and maybe not even the singer has really meant what she sang, but I get the message and I feel it.

And so I stay here, hating even more my cellphone and loving my decision of using it the least as possible. 

Hey cellphone, I hate you, why? Because I love my friends.


Nonsense of the month

Once someone told me I had no friends.

At the time, I laughed.

Then I stopped.

Later, I cried.

I don't really know if things are supposed to be always like this, but unfortunately we all tend to find out that our feelings and emotions are never understood and comprehended in the way we expect them to be.

It's like the girl who loves the boy and doesn't get back from him what she wants to. Not because she is not good enough or because he is too bad, but simply because they don't see things the same way. Maybe they are not meant to be together, at least not for now.

It's like the boy who thinks he doesn't want to get involved with anyone, but then, when he has pushed everyone alway, he realizes how lonely and sorry he feels, but then it's just too late. It's not that he is a fool, he just wants to find himself somewhere else, but maybe he is doing it the wrong way. But who could tell him that? Cause he has no friends at all, does he?

Going back to my friend, I realized I can't expect anything other than hope.

Sometimes life goes in a different direction from what we expect. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you try to do the best, but any choice you make can't really help? You still are gonna hurt people you don't want to.

Sometimes I wake up and I want to talk to someone, I feel like I'm completely alone, lost and left behind. The problem is, I am the one who left myself behind. It's one of those moments when you want to call someone but at the same time you don't wanna disturb your friends (do you have any?) and you don't dare to dial a number.

And then you hate yourself, and then you hate your cellphone because it can't help and that's what it's supposed to do. And then you feel at the bottom of the bottom of the bottom. But you are by yourself. As always, you keep going, on and on. Always alone, feeling the pain inside and smiling outside.

Sometimes I just want someone I can count on and just talk about the nonsense of my cellphone being my worst enemy, and then I come here, and I write.

I guess that when we don't know who we want to be, we become no one. And that's still better than being someone we aren't, isn't it?

Niestzche used to say we have to become ourselves. At first I would think he was saying something easy to do and that I had already got there, but now I see. It's not easy and not even possible, maybe, because in order to find yourself you always seem to get more and more lost.

Well, talking again about that friend of mine, I guess he was wrong. I have a few friends, starting with him. When someone talks to me, I listen, and when I talk to someone, I mean what I say.

If I am to have nothing else in my life, I will still have at least the truth.

And here am I, maybe no one can listen to me and my cellphone can't once more save me from this need to talk to someone, but I don't mind, cause I believe there must be someone out there.

And right now I just wanna write about "caipirinhas" and cellphones.